Bible says I can’t marry a divorced man

Dear Pastor,

I will be 24 in December and I am still a virgin. I do not go on many dates, because almost all the men expect me to have sex with them.

From I was a girl, I pledged that I would remain a virgin until I got married. One of my high-school friends and I used to talk about remaining virgins. Unfortunately, she was raped. I became even more cautious when my own uncle approached me for sex and I told him no. He held on to my hand, and I reported him to my father. He denied it. It caused a big problem in the family, because my father told him that he believed me and told him not to come back to his house. I loved that uncle because he was very helpful to me. He is someone I could look up to. He used to come and have Christmas dinner, and so on. He would bring his wife and two children. I asked my father if we can forgive him, but my father said unless he is willing to apologise for his behaviour, he is not welcome.

I am not interested in having a one-night stand. I would love to meet a man who would make a total commitment to me. My friend who was raped got married. But she told me that it has always bothered her that the man who raped her was not arrested, tried and sentenced to prison. She was too ashamed to tell her parents about the rape.

One of the reasons why I am writing to you is to ask you to help me make a decision. I am now attending a new church and the pastor's son is interested in me. But this guy is divorced, although he is only 26 years old. I like him. But I am not sure that I should marry a divorced man, because the Bible says a man who was married and is divorced should not remarry, and if he does so, he has committed adultery. I do not want to go against what the Bible says, so please give me your opinion.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

This is a long-standing theological problem in the Church. Some denominations insist that it is wrong for people to get divorced, and if they are, they should not remarry.

Others are more liberal in looking at the matter, and they allow people who are divorced to remarry. I would suggest that you should discuss this matter with your father and with Christian family counsellors. But I would remind you that the decision will come back to you. You have to make up your mind whether you want to marry this man or not. For years, churches have disagreed on this matter, and they will continue to disagree until the Lord returns.

As I see it, divorce means a marriage has ended, and the couple is free to remarry. So you have my answer to your question.

Pastor