My mother encouraged me to have sex for money

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old. Ever since I was 16, my mother encouraged me to seek out men. When I was not even ready to have sex, my mother used to tell me that all I had to do was be careful. I have an older sister who is living on her own with a man. When she was leaving the house, she told me that it was Mommy who started her out and now she cannot stop.

My sister and I remain very close. About a month after she left, I went to visit her. One day while I was sleeping, her boyfriend came over to me and asked me for sex. I told him no. When my sister came home, I told her I was leaving because her boyfriend had made advances toward me. She asked him why he would do that to her younger sister, but he claimed I was lying. Even so, she helped me pack my bag and took me home. I did not go back to her place.

Later, her boyfriend called to tell me I did not have to inform my sister about what happened. I told him that, although we are poor, we have pride. That same boyfriend and I are good friends now; he says he has come to respect me. When I told my mother what happened, she asked how much money my sister’s boyfriend was going to give me. When I said I did not know, she told me that, if he was offering money, I should have done it because nobody would know.

I am now in a relationship with a university student. He treats me very well and I love him. Whenever I do not see him, I worry because he is very handsome and I know many girls are after him. He helps me a lot. He still lives with his parents and they allow me to stay with him at his house. We always use protection, and his family is very lovely. Whenever I stay over at my boyfriend’s place, I let my parents know where I am so they do not fret.

My boyfriend says that, after graduation, he would like us to get our own place. I am really looking forward to that because I want to get out of the community where I am living.

X.

Dear X.,

It is shameful to hear that some women encourage their young teenage daughters to go out and hustle, claiming it is time for them to “tek man”. You were a very courageous girl. Although you grew up poor, you had ambition and did not bow to your sister’s boyfriend. I am glad your sister believed you when you complained about his conduct.

Your mother has no shame to suggest you should have taken money from your sister’s boyfriend to have sex with him. You were not prepared to sell your soul. You are a good girl, and I wish you well in everything you do.

Pastor