My man got his co-worker pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I have been living with a man for three and half years. When we started out, he promised to marry me, but I had to get pregnant first.

After one year, I had a child and we discussed marriage again. He said we shouldn't rush into it. I said, "We are not rushing into it, we are already living together." I heard rumours that he had another woman. He denied it and told me that I should not listen to what people were telling me. But it was his own sister who told me. She didn't have any reason to lie. He started to come home very late at nights. Before I got pregnant, he was home by 6 p.m. or 7 p.m., but then it became 9 p.m. or later. He expected me to get up and warm his food. I did that a few times, but I stopped. I told him that if he continues to come home at that hour, he would have to warm up his food for himself. He said, "No problem."

One day he said he went to a function put on by his workplace, so I knew he was going to come home late. He got home about 11 p.m. All I could smell on this man was a woman's perfume. When he came into the room and he took off his pants, I observed that his underpants were turned on the wrong side. So I jumped into his chest and decided that we were going to fight it out. Why should his underpants be on the wrong side? He told me that he must have made a mistake from in the morning. I knew that was not true. Right there, I told him that if he did not straighten up I was going to leave him. He told me that he was sorry for not treating me right, but he would not admit that he was having an affair.

I am pregnant again, and another one of his co-workers is also carrying his child. I told him to marry her. He said it is a mistake. How can a man make a mistake like that when I am busting my you know what to keep the family going? I don't harass this man for anything. I have a fairly good job. I no longer want to marry him, but he is setting a wedding date for next April. He wants me to make plans for that time. I told him that he has proven not to be a good catch and I will raise my children without him. I told him to go and use the date in April to marry the other girl.

His sister told me that she spoke to him and he is begging her to try to get me to change my mind. I took this man into my life when both of us were struggling. My father, who lives in Canada, sent me some money and I gave him the money to buy a car when I got pregnant. I hardly have the benefit of that car. How can I trust this man? Kindly give me your advice.

K.A.

Dear K.A.,

I wish I could tell you to ignore what this man has done and marry him, but I believe that to do so, I would be telling you to marry an irresponsible fool.

The man is a stupid liar, and is very careless and irresponsible. When his sister told you that he had another woman and you confronted him, he denied it. But you thought that he would improve his behaviour. How could a man put on his underpants on the wrong side? The room, or wherever he might have had sex, must have been very dark and he did not know what he was doing, but I leave that there.

Why would he impregnate another woman while you are pregnant? Right now I think you should ask him for the car keys. I am sure that your father is very disappointed in him. He wants to marry you now because he believes that he would be losing a good woman. The choices are yours, but remember, if you were to marry him, you are not marrying a good man.

Pastor