Men turn to ChatGPT for sexual guidance - Poor ‘head game’ insult leaves self-acclaimed pro stunned

For years, 29-year-old Kevon* carried a quiet pride about his bedroom skills. That confidence came crashing down with a single WhatsApp message from a female whose world he thought he had rocked.

"Stop talk like yaah top e@ter cuz yuh just regular," her WhatsApp message read.

Kevon said he had pride himself as a professional and thus, when he saw that message, his world came tumbling down. The criticism, he said, did more than question technique, it destabilised identity. He had built confidence on those reactions. But now the words hit harder than any insult he could have imagined.

"When the girl told me I was not so good, I felt really heartbroken and I started crying at one point. I prefer she told me that my penis was small than telling me my head game is poor," he told THE WEEKEND STAR.

But Kevon refused to let the message define him. He turned inward, experimenting and reflecting in private.

"Mi practice pan the orange, mi practice wid the yogurt and all a them things deh," he said.

He also quietly turned to to artificial intelligence platform, ChatGPT, for help.

"ChatGPT is like mi likkle friend. So, anything mi need clarity on, I go to it. I told the bot my situation, what she said, so please give me some advice as to how to become better at it," he said.

Six months later, he said, the difference was noticeable.

"Oh my God, it was probably the best. It felt like it was the first I was doing it in my life. The response was good and I think my performance was better," Kevon admitted.

Now, he encourages open communication.

"For women who are afraid to speak up ... talk yuh talk. A man might feel a way, but hopefully him nuh take it to heart but him will do him research and see what he is supposed to do so him can become better," he said.

While Kevon sought AI after his confidence was shaken, 22-year-old Andre*, who was a virgin at the time, turned to the chatbot before his first sexual experience.

"I honestly did not know what to expect. Most of what I heard came from friends or what I saw online, and a lot of it sounded unrealistic."

Embarrassment prevented him from asking peers for guidance.

"You cannot really ask your friends for step-by-step instructions without it becoming a joke. And I did not want to ask a woman and appear inexperienced," he said.

Instead, he searched privately. "I literally asked how to make sure your first time is not awkward. It broke things down, communication, taking your time, paying attention to her comfort," he said.

"It made me realise it is not about performing like a pornstar. It is about connection."

When he eventually became sexually active earlier this year, he described the experience as manageable and grounded.

"It was not perfect, but we talked through things. That made it easier," Andre said.

Like Kevon, he valued the absence of judgement.

"With the bot, it was just me and the screen. There was no fear of being laughed at."

A ChatGPT query into how often people turn to it for guidance on sexual health and function revealed shocking results. The chatbot reported that users frequently ask questions about libido, performance issues, contraception, sexual anatomy, and safe practices.

Clinical psychologist Dr Paul Smith says AI is viewed as a uniquely safe space by many persons, some of whom are too embarrassed to seek professional help.

"There is no judgement. They are in a safe space to be and to think about it. There are persons who find that, when they take the issues outside of that environment, people tend to judge them and they can't be vulnerable because of what others think of them," Smith said.

However, he warns that AI cannot replace human empathy.

"The human touch and empathy understanding that is missing," Smith said. "If the man goes to a counsellor, the counsellor can express empathy, nod, gesture, say 'tell me more', suggest 'how about trying this?' The empathetic part of it is missing."

* Names changed to protect identity