My friend tried to steal my man

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and my husband is 61. He was previously married, but his wife died. They had two children together, and he has another child outside the marriage.

When I first met him, I went to bed with him because I was in need. At the time, we were both staying with friends in St Ann. The people I was staying with knew him, so we went out during the day and later agreed to find a place to spend the night together. I was struggling financially, had bills to pay, and nothing was working out for me.

We booked a room and spent the night together. Before he left Jamaica, he gave me US$400 and told me he would return to see me. He went overseas, and I returned to Kingston.

We chatted every day, and after about a month he told me he had booked a flight to Jamaica just to see me. He didn't want his friends to know he was coming, so he rented a place for us to stay in St James.

At that time, I got to know him better. When we first slept together, he didn't tell me much about his children; he said he was divorced. I insisted that we use protection, but he refused, saying condoms affected his erection. I didn't push the issue.

We spent one week together, and by the time he left Jamaica, I became pregnant.

I knew the child was his because I was not having unprotected sex with anyone else. I was seeing a few men at the time because I wasn't working and was hustling to survive, but I was careful.

When my period didn't come, I told him over the phone. He questioned whether I was telling the truth. I assured him I was. He asked if I wanted an abortion, but I said no. He told me he would marry me, and I didn't want to destroy our child. He agreed.

One of his friends from St Ann contacted me and said he had told them about the pregnancy. They told me he was a good man and that he would take care of me. I expressed concern about his age, but they told me not to worry.

He began sending me money weekly and told me to find a place to live, which he would pay for. I moved and asked one of my girlfriends to stay with me. She has two children, though they don't live with her, and she went everywhere with me.

My husband got to know her over the phone and started sending her money as well. He is not a poor man. He often questioned her about me, and she would tell me she wished she had a man like him.

The father of her children took me to the hospital when I went into labour. After I returned home with the baby, my mother came to stay with me and my girlfriend moved out. My mother stayed for four weeks. Then my boyfriend came to Jamaica, met my mother, and saw the baby.

I don't know what my girlfriend told him, but he started asking strange questions. He asked if I slept with any men while I was pregnant. He said he had dreams about me being with other men.

Eventually, he proposed, gave me an engagement ring, and we are now married.

Pastor, my girlfriend took over this man. Even though she has her children's father and he takes care of her, she was sleeping with my boyfriend. While my boyfriend was in Jamaica and my mother was staying with me, he and this girl went out together. I was furious.

When I confronted her, she told me not to worry and said I should be happy to share the man with her. I hated her deeply. While pretending to be my friend, she was having sex with my boyfriend.

I stayed calm because I wanted him to help me get my green card. I didn't tell her children's father, though I could have. I was grateful for the help she gave me during my pregnancy, but she is a wicked girl.

My husband later told me the truth. He said she forced herself on him and tried to get him to leave me and marry her instead. Since I've been in America, she has called me several times asking me to find a man for her because she isn't getting along with her children's father.

I will not help her. She is a wicked girl.

S.R.

Dear S.R.,

You must understand that not everything in your life should be shared with friends. If you had not told this woman certain things, she would not have had ammunition to use against you with your husband.

This man supported you financially every week, and your so-called friend was clearly jealous. Her children's father was unable to provide at the same level, so she was willing to sleep with your man for financial gain.

It is likely she told your husband about your past relationships, which explains why he questioned whether you were faithful during your pregnancy.

You are fortunate that he married you despite what he may have been told. I hope you will conduct yourself wisely going forward. Now that you live in a country with educational opportunities, I encourage you to return to school. Your husband can support you while you improve yourself.

Honour your husband, respect him, and behave yourself.

End all ties with this woman you call a friend. She can only bring trouble into your life. While your husband claims she threw herself at him, I hope he will not return to Jamaica and repeat his mistakes.

She already has a man and children. Let her remain where she is.

Pastor