Lover insulted my private parts

Dear Pastor,

I read your column more than I read my Bible; shame on me. But it relaxes me and it's always good conversations.

I am a 32-year-old unmarried professional woman and I am also without a child. All of that comes with its advantages and disadvantages. I am so scared of these men. You see, I have considered myself to be a child of God, although I have failed Him daily. His mercies do not fail me.

I lost my virginity just a little shy of my 25th birthday by a man who lied to me about his relationship status. I always wanted to be married as a virgin. Yet I didn't really know what that meant. The moment I lost it, it was as if I lost my identity. It took me months to have sex again, but I did it a few times with the same man. When sex wasn't as frequent as he would have wanted, he started to manipulate me by sending me nude pictures of one of his female clients who wanted to go to bed with him, as well as his ex-girlfriends. He was also living with his woman and child.

I tried my best to end our relationship. I found myself talking to another young man who I deemed to be pretty decent, and whose dad and friends suggested that I should give him a chance. It lasted about three or four months before we broke up. I cried. I went out in the road daily just for him to see me, so he could see that leaving me was a mistake. Although he wasn't a Christian, he was the nicest of the three men I have been with. We had sex about four times but there was nothing magical. It's now a little over five years and I am slowly getting over him. It seems he is with the same girl he chose over me.

I feel so delusional. I ran back to the first guy. We had more sex than before but he left Jamaica. After seven months, I gave in to an older man. I knew him for about seven years. He was always pursuing me. He said the meanest things about my vagina afterwards. But he couldn't deny how clean and fresh it was, as he said that is why he would always go down on me. He said there was no fun in having sex with me because my vagina is loose. I knew that was not true. He was the third person I had sex with and it was not often. He was the largest of the three guys. So, the day after I turned 29 was the last time I attempted to have sex.

These days, I hardly get the desire to have sex, and, if I do, I masturbate just so I can go to sleep. I work, so I take good care of myself, but I don't know what life holds for me. I am so scared to try another man. I know that I am about a seven or eight; I am not the prettiest, neither am I ugly. But I am sexy. I have the body of a teenager. I have never had the pleasure of reaching orgasm. I have heard some ladies brag about it. Do you think something is wrong with me? I am looking forward to your response.

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

I thank you for reading my column often, but I would also want to encourage you to read your Bible every day.

The Bible is so much more important than my column. I am glad that my column helps you to relax. You have had some unfortunate experiences with men. To put it mildly, two of them were immoral men. The one who sent you photographs of other women had no respect for you, and you know that he was a liar. When you went to bed with this older man, he told you something about your private parts that you can never forget. He too proved that he didn't have any respect for you.

I can see why you are so confused about whether you should even attempt to find another man. At the same time, you know that you have sexual desires. I am asking you therefore to pray and ask God to send a godly man into your life who would respect you and marry you, and, if it is God's will, make you a mother.

Rededicate your life to God. Don't allow these guys to toy with your body. I will be praying for you. Let us keep in touch with each other.

Pastor