Brother trying to ruin my relationship

November 22, 2022

Dear Pastor,

This is my second letter to you. I know you are very busy, but I hope that you will answer me. I have been reading your column since I was a teenager.

I am now in my early 30s and I got married, but my marriage did not work. My husband was an American. He came to Jamaica and was staying at the hotel at which I worked, and we became friends. He told me that he did not have a family and he would love to marry a Jamaica ngirl. We were friends for two years before he came to Jamaica to marry me. After we got married, he changed. I hardly heard from him. I have never gone to America to visit him. He changed his telephone number, and finally divorced me. I was very angry with him. Then I told myself that I still have life. It was my bad luck.

I met an older man at the same hotel where I was working. He told me he was married, but he and his wife were not together. I told him that I didn't trust tourists, but we became very good friends. When he went back to America, he kept sending me money and pictures of his home. I had people check him out for me, and I realised that he was speaking the truth. This man and I are still together. He is twice my age. Had it not been for the pandemic, we would have got married.

My mother told me that I should not marry him because he is the same age as my father. My father said I should not listen to my mother. The problem that I am having is that I would love to have children, but this man does not want children. I cannot see myself not having children, even one would do. I have never asked this man for anything and not got it. I know he is not living with anybody, because I can call him at any time.

I want to go back to school, but he told me that I should wait and do the necessary paperwork and come to America. He has children, but none of them live with him. Whenever he comes to Jamaica, he stays at a different hotel than the one where I met him. He rents a car and one of my brothers takes him around. This brother wants me to talk to him to buy a car for him to run taxi, but I don't want to do that because I am afraid that my brother will not pay him back, and that will destroy our relationship.

My brother told me that my boyfriend asked him if I was keeping any man with him. So my brother is trying to blackmail me. He said he was going to tell him that I have another man and that he shouldn't trust me, so I should encourage him to buy the taxi for him. Over my dead body! I am not going to encourage this man to buy the car for my brother to run taxi. What do you suggest?


Dear D.M.,

If you are in love with this man and you believe that he genuinely loves you and would treat you as a lady, marry him. Plan your wedding as soon as possible.

Don't be intimated by your brother. You don't have any obligation to your brother. Let him buy his own car and operate it as a taxi. Your brother should try his best to help you, but right now he is not doing so. When you asked him to drive your man around, you were trying to put bread in his mouth; now he is trying to destroy you. Regardless of his threats, don't encourage your man to buy a car for him to operate as a taxi.


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