I inherited cheating genes from my mom

Dear Pastor,

I am a 33-year-old woman and I grew up with my parents. They had three of us, but I am the only girl.

My mother always cheated on my father. I once mentioned what I saw to my brothers and they said I should keep quiet. One time, my father asked me if I had ever seen any man come to the house while he was not there. I lied and told him no. But different men always came to the gate, and my mother would go out to them. My mother even got pregnant for one of them and she aborted the pregnancy. She told her friends, in coded language, but I understood what she was saying.

There was a time when my father was not talking to my mother, although they were sleeping in the same bed. My mother did not have much time with me, so I looked forward to my father coming home. I asked him every question, even questions that a girl should ask her mother, and he answered. He even bought books for me to read. My mother never stopped cheating, even though I told her that daddy was asking me questions.

Pastor, I bought my own house with the help of my father. He told me that I could rent it out and I didn't have to leave where I was living. But I told him I would live there.

When I was going to high school, one of my male teachers had a crush on me. After I graduated, he and I went out and we ended up having sex. He got me pregnant, so I have a child with him. He loves me, but I don't love him with all my heart. He takes care of his child. Whenever he comes to visit me, we always end up having sex. I met a guy in university and he and I are together. I love him. When my father and I bought the house, I gave my mother a key and told her that she should keep it in case of emergencies. The baby stays with my grandmother and I pick him up on weekends.

I was at home and this teacher visited me, and we were fooling around until we started to have sex. We fell asleep and my mother came there. She saw us together naked, and made an alarm. She even used the 'F' word. We were embarrassed. She threatened to tell my boyfriend what I did. I told her she could go ahead as that would give me the opportunity to tell my father all that I knew about her. She told me that I didn't know anything about her, so I started to tell her what I knew.

I told my mother that she was not qualified to tell me how to conduct myself because she was spreading her legs for every man. She cursed me and I told her to leave my house key. I was embarrassed, but she had no right to threaten me. I must say that she has not carried out her threats, at least not yet. I really don't want my boyfriend to know what happened, because we love each other and we are planning to get married.

Last week, I called my mother and asked her to forgive me and she used expletives. But I am her only daughter, and I would like to live in peace with her. Tell me what to do.

L.R.

Dear L.R.,

What you are trying to say is that you know that your mother has slept with other men apart from your father.

You might be wrong, but you believe there are good reasons for you to believe that. It is mighty unfortunate that you and your mother do not have a good relationship, because every daughter needs her mother. You said that your mother did not have much time for you. That's where she went wrong. But your father took the time to talk to you about everything.

It is not unusual for male teachers to love female students. But I must commend this teacher for not getting involved with you while you were a student. On the other hand, he was careless; he impregnated you. I don't understand why you continued to have sex with him, although you did not genuinely love him. You know now that you should draw the line.

You have a boyfriend. You met him at university and his intention is to marry you. So please, no more lovemaking with your child's father.

Your mother could have approached the matter better when she saw you in bed with your child's father, but you can forgive her because she was shocked. She should have just closed the door and walked away. It would have avoided the confrontation.

Your parents have been married for years; do nothing to cause them to break up. She had other men, and even if you think you are right, let sleeping dogs lie.

Pastor