Mother-in-law trying to run my life

October 03, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am in a relationship with a man and we have a child together. Because of circumstances, I am living at his parents' home. This man got me pregnant, but before that, I had a boyfriend and my parents knew him and loved him.

He went abroad to study. But my babyfather and I became friends just before my boyfriend left. The very first time we had sex, he got me pregnant. So when my boyfriend heard I was pregnant, he told his parents that the child was not his. They asked me about it and I told them that the child belonged to their son and their son accepted responsibility. I could not stay where I was living because I was staying with my cousins. So my babyfather told his parents that he was bringing me to live with him and he told them that if they objected to it, he would move out and and rent a place and he would not be able to assist them much financially.

They agreed that I should come, but his mother has always tried to tell me what to do. I am not free. She tried to get me to cook for everybody. She did not want me to cook separately for my babyfather and myself. I did not agree. She would come into the kitchen and open my pot to see what I was cooking. She told her son how I was always talking to men on the phone. The woman is always telling lies about me. She is a bad mother-in-law.

She also told her son that the child is not his, so he should leave me and let me go and find the real father. But even her husband said that that child belongs to his son because he has the 'family marks' on him. I know that I have made mistakes, but since I have been with this man and had his baby, I have not looked at another man. But I told him that I am young and if he doesn't want me, we should split up and I would try and find another man and he can always find another woman.

Last Sunday, he reminded his mother that he can rent another place and take me there. She was very quiet because she didn't want him to leave. I don't know why some mothers-in-law are so nosy. My boyfriend is 27 and I am 25. I did not finish college. I want to go back, but the child is the issue now. We have to find a way so that somebody can keep this child while I go back to school. If I had a good mother-in-law, that would not be a problem. But I do not want to leave this child with her. I am suffering for the mistake that I made. Please give me your advice.


Dear E.G.,

You made a big mistake when you cheated on your boyfriend who was planning to go to America to study. You are right to say that you have been suffering from the mistake you made.

But having said that, your child's father has accepted paternity and has been doing his best to support you and his child. Your mother-in-law has to learn to be quiet.

The truth is my dear, she believes that you are in her space. She was not prepared to have another woman in her house. She ought to know by now that she is making life very miserable for you. She should accept her grandchild, show him love, and should be willing to keep this child during the day while you go back to school. You are afraid to leave him with her. Maybe she would do him no harm at all, but I understand your fear. You have a right to cook your own pot. You are a grown woman and you have a man.

I hope the time will come when your child's father will be able to move out of his parents' home and take you to a place where you will feel that you are a real woman. Don't push him because he seems to be a wise man. Before I go, permit me to say that I trust that both of you will be careful enough not to have more children until you are financially able to have your own home. May your boyfriend be in a position to help his parents. I wish you well.


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