Don’t like my dad’s young girlfriend

October 03, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I grew up with my parents and two brothers. My parents were very loving.

It was hard for me when my mother died. My two brothers are living abroad, so I am the only one here. I noticed a young woman started to come to the house. My father introduced her as his friend. But I became suspicious of them because she came more often and then she would go into his room. One day I was sitting at the dining table and she came in and said hello and went straight into his bedroom and closed the door. That was about 8 p.m. I know she had sex with my father that night because before she left, she showered. I was very angry because my father is 60 and this girl is about my age.


I realised that my father had withdrawn $20,000 from his account. He said he withdrew it to do a little business to help a friend. I asked him if the friend was this woman and he said yes. He asked me if I liked her and I told him no because it has been three years since my mother died and if he wanted a woman, he should have taken someone older. He said he would not take any money out of the account without informing me. I told him that the money was his, but he should remember that anything could happen to him and that is the money that would help him.

He said that he liked the girl. She kept visiting and then she started to sleep over sometimes. She has a car so the neighbours knew that there was a visitor at our house. Some of them asked me if I was related to the girl. I told them no. So they knew that my father was having a female visitor. I told my brothers what was going on and they advised me to leave my father alone because he is a big man and he should do whatever he wants.

Whenever this girl comes to the house, I don't talk to her, so she knows that I don't like her. She is a gold digger. She wants money from him to do everything. She can't maintain her car, so my father helps. She also has a boyfriend because when I first talked to my father about her, he said that although he was involved with her, she has 'her people'. Her boyfriend is in the army. I told my father that it would be very shameful if that man comes to the house and beats him or that girl. Do you agree with my brothers that I should not allow what my father is doing to bother me?


Dear S.B.,

I understand how much you want to protect your father, and it is unfortunate that he has become involved with a young woman who has a boyfriend.

I am not going to address the matter of the woman's age because some men love younger women. I should also say that your father should have been wise enough to talk to you about this woman even before she started to visit him at the house.

Am I to understand that you would have accepted a much older woman to be intimate with your father? What hurts you most is to realise that your father has withdrawn money from the account to give to this woman and that he has been giving her money to help her. In that, I agree with you. She seems to be a gold digger. But I would suggest that you go easy on your father. He is aware that you don't like the young woman, but my dear, this woman is young and she knows how to turn on the old man. She gets him excited so he gives her whatever money she wants. Very sad indeed.


Your brothers have responded the way men generally do. They feel that your father wants a woman, so you should just leave him alone. But you know you cannot totally leave him alone; you have to protect him. I understand that your father is still employed. He is only 60 so it is unlikely that he is retired. Sit with your father and make out a budget with him. He will listen to you. Let him agree to take a certain amount of money every month from what he has earned; be reasonable. Tell him he can do whatever he wants with that money. He will make sure that he has enough so his girlfriend can have some.

Please remind your father that this girl has a boyfriend so he should not encourage her to sleep at the house with him because her boyfriend may just trail her there and beat her. He may also beat your father.


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