My child’s father is not her real daddy

December 03, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you as a confused young mother who doesn't know what to do. Here is the story. I got pregnant by a man with whom I had a relationship.

Since the night that I told him I was pregnant, I have not seen him again. My daughter is now two years old. He migrated a couple of days before my daughter was born. But he was in Jamaica for the nine months of my pregnancy. He never stopped by, not even one time to see me.

I had a male friend who I liked -- and who also liked me -- and I told him about my pregnancy. This guy and I did not pursue each other because I was already in a relationship with the guy who got me pregnant. My male friend understood that. But when I found out that I was pregnant and the father of my child didn't want anything to do with me, I told him. I wanted to have an abortion and he discouraged me. He said he would stand by me and accept the responsibilities of being the father of my child. He didn't lie about that. He kept his promise. He is the only father my child knows from the moment I learnt I was pregnant until now. My daughter calls him daddy and nobody knows that he is not the biological father because he has been there since day one. He is a good father to her. Although we are no longer together, he still takes care of her.

Her biological father never calls or talks to her. He never asks how she is doing either. However, he sends me $10,000 occasionally. The man who takes care of her wants me to put his name on her birth certificate. She has her biological father's last name, but his name is not on the birth certificate because he did not sign the document. He is just in the system. I honestly don't know what to do. The man she knows as her dad doesn't have any children. Should I put his name on her birth certificate? I am asking for your advice. Please, I am desperately waiting for your response.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

I would not want to mislead you. This man who took over the responsibility of taking care of your daughter while her biological father ignored you totally should be commended. He is a very good man. And even after both of you ended your intimate relationship, he continued to support your daughter. I would say hooray to him. I could see why he feels that she ought to carry his name. At the risk of not misleading you, I would suggest that you discuss this matter with an attorney. Do so as early as possible.

Pastor

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