Living with a nasty woman

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column, and my girlfriend and I listen to you every night. You are doing a great work, and I have learned a lot from you. I have been living with my girlfriend for the past two years, but she is hard to live with. She accused me of being jealous, which I am. But that is the only bad thing she can say about me. I can say lots of bad things about her.

I don't know of her keeping any man with me, but, Pastor, this girl is untidy. I grew up in a home with sisters, and my mother always told my sisters to learn to be tidy. When we had breakfast or dinner, my sisters were responsible for washing up whatever was used and to tidy the kitchen.

My girlfriend would just eat and take up the plates or dish, or whatever we used, and put them in the sink and go and watch television or go to bed. Many times if I don't wash them, they will be in the sink or on the kitchen table for days. And if I talk to her about it, she would say that she is not my maid. So, because of that and to prevent any argument, I wash whatever we use. I told her that if we don't wash up, it would encourage roaches.

Another thing, Pastor, she does not like to clean the bathroom. To get her to clean the bathroom, I have to curse her and tell her things that a man should not tell his woman. Her mother came to visit us, and her mother talked to her about the bathroom. She told her mother that she is not the only one using the bathroom. She said that I use it too, so I should clean it. Her mother reminded her that she is a woman, and she should take pride in keeping the place clean.

I did not complain to her mother, but after her mother left, she cursed me and called me mama's boy and said that I talk too much for a man.

When it comes to sexual comfort, I can't complain because my needs are met. And she would take off the sheets from the bed at least once per week.

I told her that I cannot talk about her untidiness every day. I told her that I am giving her until after summer to get her act together. Otherwise I am going to leave her. I don't want to leave her because she is a good young woman, but she is nasty. Please tell me what I can do to get this girl to tidy the place and let me come home to a house that smells fresh.

D.T.

Dear D.T.,

I will make the following suggestions to you. Don't just rely on this woman to keep the house tidy. After both of you have had dinner, suggest to her that both of you should go in the kitchen and clean up. In that way, you are not relying on her to wash the dishes and pots. Both of you are taking care of that together. No taking of naps or watching the television unless that table is cleared and the kitchen utensils are washed and everywhere is just spanking clean.

If, for example, you have to eat and go out immediately, suggest to your girlfriend that she should wash up and you would do so the next time. Remember, she told you that she is not your maid. You know what she was trying to say, so if you assist her all the time in cleaning up, she wouldn't be able to accuse you of using her as a maid.

TAKE TURNS

Concerning the bathroom, this is always a problem in some homes. If siblings are living together, they usually have fuss about cleaning the bathroom. But there is an easy way of taking care of this. Some families do it week on and week off. After one takes a shower, he or she should leave the bathroom clean. And that is what you and your woman should do.

It seems to me that you do not clean at all. You expect your girlfriend to do all the cleaning, and some people would agree with you and say it's her duty as a woman to clean up. Even her mother believes that as the woman of the house, she should clean everywhere.

This young woman knows that to really enjoy sex, the bed has to be clean and fresh. So she takes care of that, and you appreciate what she does.

I hope that you would not end the relationship with her. Part of the problem that she is having is a result of her upbringing. Perhaps she was not taught to keep her home tidy. Perhaps that was not emphasised by her mother or grandmother, or whoever she was living with. But she needs to learn to be tidy.

Don't break up this relationship. Both of you can learn togethe r how to take care of your home. I must emphasise, try to assist her when you can with the household chores.

Pastor